And I will listen to the song rising from the inside of your chest. 

Let me… help you.”

 YES.. I just re-read/adapted most of this morning’s opening poem by Devon Speier. Because… I stand here as a rabbi-in-formation… with a LOT of life behind me.. and I declare that we are lucky to be here.. IN COMMUNITY. Online. In-person.  

And I will JOYOUSLY embrace that communities.. mean … INTERDEPENDENCE. 

Interdependence. Not independence. 

 And ya’ll we need MORE interdependence. And on this day of self-introspection… I say that we are NOT alone in this.  We need each other. And we need to deliberately push away that sense that we are ONLY worthwhile… when we produce something… or DO something. I am not being all high and mighty about this; I am really working on this my-own-self…  

Because, for a VERY long time, I bought into the idea of judging or valuing PEOPLE based on what they DO, or produce. RATHER than the fact that they are a miracle and have value… by the simple fact that they exist. I mean.. I’d LIKE to think NO ONE here judges those beautiful, colorful .. AND DECAYING  leaves all over the trees around us… just because they will soon no longer produce SHADE. Instead.. we are all in the moment, yes? Taking delight in their amazing colors right now.. RIGHT? And all those leaves are doing… is … dying back… following the natural order of things.  

So… I ask us all. Why do we decry our OWN changes in life? When our bodies or minds are no longer as they were – be it from age or illness?   

Why do we FEAR… or RESENT, when we suspect that we are becoming dependent somehow “too much” on others??? Much less, if we have to overtly ASK for help… 

On a global project, researching aging, when elders in urban and rural communities around the world were asked, “what scares you the most about growing old”… the most frequent answer was “having to rely on others for help”. I think we have the view that there is something wrong with dependency. I mean… this country.. founded on the “DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE”… right? And all those Western movies about strong men… doing their own thing… and deep down… I suspect every single one of us knows.. that there will come a time… when we cannot. Do for ourselves.  

And I wonder which judgement we fear more – the judgement we think our community will cast upon us… or the judgement that we impose upon our-own-selves.. of feeling LESS THAN. Like there is actually a  BINARY EITHER/OR when it comes to capability.   

and… I’d like to think we are learning better than that. Indeed… a teaching from our Talmud takes a VERY different perspective. NO rigid distinctions between INDEPENDENCE and dependence…value.. and worthlessness.  

Rabbi Yochanan was an amazing teacher with GREAT healing powers. He would visit a fellow ailing rabbi, take him by the hand cure him – the quote is “lift him up out of his suffering”. YET… when Rabbi Yochanan himself became ill himself, he needed a colleague – Rabbi Chanina – to visit and heal him. The narrator of this portion of Talmud asks the obvious conflict of story here – why would an illustrious healer need someone ELSE to heal him??? Why can he not heal himself??? Talmud answers,  

“the prisoner cannot free himself from jail”   

Our texts … telling us.. that  NO ONE can survive with the support of others.  

We are all interdependent… all of the time. just as we contribute to the wellness of others… OTHERS contribute to OUR wellness.  

SO… now I ask. Who here LIKES help others??? SERIOUS – nod/thumbs up… <WAIT> I mean.. help pack boxes for a move.. or pick up something for them at the grocery… take them to the airport…? I will say when I get the opportunity to help, I derive great meaning and sense of community = connectedness. AND…  

How do you feel when someone you know… just will NOT ask for help. Or REFUSES your offer … even when you KNOW they need it?  

SO COOL. I knew you’d say that … so.. I wonder … in looking at these answers in the room and online… I wonder… should we… each of us.. given that we feel more connected by BEING in relationships of caring and giving.. perhaps we could re-examine our OWN denial… our OWN dread of PERSONAL dependency? … AKA… asking for OR ACCEPTING help…  

Because… if you feel better connected to the person whom YOU are helping.. I ask… why would you NOT allow some other person to feel enriched by letting them help YOU??  <REPEAT TO LET SINK IN>>> 

Hmmm. That may be something to put on the list of things to ponder in these remaining hours of our Days of Awe. 

Jews.. And Americans… are a stubbornly independent people. (does STIFF-NECKED ring a bell here?) and I ask on this Day of Atonement… could we not… lower our own pride … just a smidge.. and… start SMALL – try asking someone for help..like once a week. Or for the “all-in”… once a day… ? And actually ACCEPT that help?  

And … share in the BUILDING of communal relationships.. by giving someone an opportunity to do something FOR US?  

 Devon Speier’s poem gives us that opening….  

I will pray this return reveals who you have been and will always be when all the appearances and supposed-to's melt quietly away. 

 Their words… the supposed-to’s… may we drop those from this day forward… and unite in true reciprocal communal acceptance.  

 Ken Yi Hi Ratzon 

Declaration of Interdependence

(delivered Yom Kippur 5783)

“I'm not going to tell you to wean off the coffee or keep off the food. 

I'm not going to tell you you'll return some day to grass. 

I'm not going to tell you that your cup is half empty or full or tell you about your cup at all. 

I'm not going to tell you to look forward and magically forget the past. 

I will save the judging for G-d and the loving for you. 

I will be here, WITH YOU as you hope and ache and ache and hope. 

I will pray this return reveals who you have been and will always be when all the appearances and supposed-to's melt quietly away. 

I will meet you in the there that is Here. 

And the here that is T/Here.